Get Your Boyfriend to Commit and Discuss the Future

When many women think of relationships, future plans tend to come to mind. It’s normal to want to share a future with your boyfriend and wish for a commitment. It’s also completely natural to want to discuss your future plans with your boyfriend. But you may be wondering…how can you talk about your desire for a future commitment without scaring your boyfriend away? Using a delicate approach and a few simple tricks that will keep him involved in the conversation without running for the door.

Ask your boyfriend’s opinion

Begin “future” talk by finding out your boyfriend’s thoughts on things. Ask what plans he has for the future, if any, and find out what those plans might be. A sure fired way to avoid confrontation and freaking your boyfriend out is to put the ball in his court. It's a good idea to avoid bombarding your boyfriend with your expectations of him. First off, you risk the chance of him shutting down if you mention the words “commitment” or “future”. Secondly, you may be left disappointed by your boyfriend’s reaction to you confronting him about your future plans together. His reaction is bound to be different if you approach him in a non-threatening manner.

Try not to be disappointed

It’s easy to feel hurt when your boyfriend doesn’t say the things you expect he should, but it’s quite possible he may not know what he wants in the future. Try not to be disappointed by this reaction. Many people in general are uncertain of what they want in life. Listen to what your boyfriend has to say about commitment and encourage him to choose what path makes him happiest. This will make you a supportive girlfriend in his eyes because you aren’t demanding he make future plans with you, but instead are telling him you just want him to be happy. Doing so will positively motivate him to consider you a big part of his future because rather than being mad at him for being indecisive, you are being understanding and patient.

Lighten the mood

Many conversations about commitment can be scary for a man. Try lightening the mood by making a joke or confiding that you are nervous about the future as well. Tell your boyfriend where you would like to see the relationship in the next 2-3 years. Giving your man a long time frame as such will help him to feel less confronted about having to please you presently. While you may want a commitment from your boyfriend right now, he might not be equipped to provide you with that, but plans on someday giving you what you desire. If you confront him with demands of what you want done now, you may scare him into believing he either does what you wish now or there’s no future. And ultimatums like this are never a good thing to a man…or anyone for that matter.

Explain why you want a future

Giving your boyfriend reasons why you want a future with him can help him to feel at ease about talking about commitment. Let him know that he makes you happy, you love him, and feel that he gives you what you need. Explain why you want to share a future with him by complimenting his relationship abilities. Don’t just tell him that you want to get married and have his children. Give him reasons why you want to do these things with him. It’s important that your boyfriend realizes he is the reason you want a relationship future…not that you just want a commitment in general. Also, try to use words like “eventually”, “at some point”, and “in a few years” to help him feel more comfortable about talking about the future. He’ll be more apt to listen and talk about commitment rather than run away.

Don’t speak to soon

Be sure you have been with your boyfriend for an extended period of time before attempting to talk about your future together. A good relationship milestone to go by is at least one year. If you confront your boyfriend before a year about wanting a future with him, he will probably get scared or feel anxious about commitment. Being vested in a relationship is important for attempting to communicate any type of commitment desires. Trying to ask about the future of your relationship status before a year will only end in disaster…unless of course you are that one of few select couples who shared an instant “true love” immediately and you are sure your boyfriend wants a future with you.

Consider other children

If either you or your boyfriend has brought other children into the relationship, you will want to consider them when determining how to discuss the future. Find out about how your boyfriend feels about his past relationship with his child’s mother. If he feels bitterness toward this relationship, he may not be ready to make a future commitment to you. Also, he may be concerned about his child’s future when considering you in his future. Ask him now he feels about having you in his life with his child or children and what he thinks about having a future as an extended family. You’ll need to be a bit more delicate when discussing commitment with a man who has children from a past relationship or marriage. Remember, there will be more to consider in this plan than just you and him. The same goes for you if you have children.

Talk to his friends and family

When in doubt about future talk, ask your boyfriend’s friends and family. Speaking to someone close to your man can help to put a different and fresh perspective on things. Find out what your man thinks of you as a constant in his life. While talking to his friends may not always be the ideal situation, a family member, such as his mother may be able to offer you suggestions for opening communication about commitment. She will usually be honest because she doesn’t want to see anyone get hurt, especially her son. Supportive people in your boyfriend’s life can always add good input on how to get your boyfriend to discuss the future and help you approach the topic with delicacy.