Giving My Child A Normal Life As A Single Parent

Giving my child a normal life isn’t always easy.  Since I’m a single mother, I’m forced to do things alone and make choices that don’t always create a happy little guy (such as going to Wal-Mart after a long day of school because we are out of milk and bread).  Being a single parent has it’s ups and downs, but my son and I learn something new from each other everyday.  While it’s easy to get frustrated with each other, somehow, we compliment each other’s faults and find ways to laugh at our mistakes and goof ups.  We are extremely close and I hope our relationship always stays this way.  I’ve made many mistakes in my life, but my son is my greatest gift ever.  How lucky I am to have been given this perfect miracle.

I worry that my son will be different from other children in the sense that he will never know what it is like to have a two person household with his biological parents.  In fact, my son has never really known this luxury because I’ve been a single parent since he was about two-years-old.  His father was a drinker and drove me to the point of insanity.  I did not want my son to think that alcohol was the answer to all problems in life so I left his father as a way to offer my son a better chance at normalcy.  How odd to think you’d leave a spouse to become a single mother and think that this is giving your child a normal life.  But over living in a world of alcoholic ignorance, I’d pick single parenting any day.  

My son seems to be a well-rounded child.  He’s incredibly intelligent (the highest reader in his class and one of the best math students), very in tuned to people’s emotions (he feels sadness when others are upset), and extremely confident (he knows how good he is at sports and he’ll tell you so!).  So, I shouldn’t really worry as much as I do that my son is missing something in his life by not having two parents to guide him in the same household.  Yet every night, I spend pretty much sleepless, anxious about the decisions I’ve made for my little guy.  He is the most amazing child ever...truly.  I only want him to have the best of everything...as I’m sure all parents do.  

Giving my son everything, as a single parent, is not an easy task.  While I realize I cannot literally possibly give him EVERYTHING, I do try to fulfill his needs and wants to the best of my ability.  I’ve gone without many times just to make my son happy and healthy.  As a parent, there isn’t anything you wouldn’t do for your child.  If it’s within my means, my son will have it.  On that note, because I am a single mother with a guilty conscience, I worry about overly spoiling my child.  Many single parents tend to try and make up for their child not having a two parent household by giving their child everything they want.  Many parents believe this brings their child happiness.  But this kind of happiness is only temporary.  

While I do give my child toys and games on a more consistent basis than I should, he only receives these gifts with a meaning.  Every fun item given to my son is positive reinforcement.  He is rewarded gifts for good behavior at school, good grades, getting ready quickly in the morning, playing nice with others...,etc.  Yes, I do agree that children should not be given gifts for every little behavior they do.  But, as a single parent, the guilt of breaking up your child’s family just eats at you and there isn’t anything you won’t do to try and make it better.  So, the way I justify giving my son what he wants (and helping me to feel better about ruining his life) is to let him know each time that he is getting a gift for good reason.  And honestly, his good behaviors have far outweighed the bad.

I also try to give my son a normal life by simply spending time with him.  I’ve realized how precious time is as a single parent and how tough it can be to spread this time out evenly.  But, no one deserves more of my time than my son.  In order to help him live in normalcy, he and I do things together as often as possible.  This sometimes means leaving laundry unfinished, dishes in the sink, and the toilet a little dingy.  And, with my obsessive compulsive behavior, it can be quite a challenge leaving chores undone.  But if I’m able to give my son a more normal life by spending one on one time with him, I’d leave every chore everyday just to make my son’s life amazing.  Even spending an hour together in between household routines makes a difference to my son.  Whether we play video games, a board game, or simply read a book together every night before bed, I know that I’ve touched his life in a way that helps him to forget, at least temporarily, that he is an only child in a single parent household.